We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
