I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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