i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
