I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
