Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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