I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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