Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
