Jerry, you need to find god
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
