had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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