did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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