Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
