listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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