nut hugger
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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