i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
now i know why i became what i already was.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
