I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize