i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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