I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
