i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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