She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
