okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
