I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Send help, water and tortillas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
