I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize