why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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