Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
