Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Couch. On fire.
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