every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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