i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
