He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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