Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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