If i come over, it means nothing
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
