So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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