just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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