I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
