smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
