tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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