You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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