Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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