oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
