Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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