I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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