when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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