When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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