Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
