You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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