I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
