it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
