is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
