I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
