After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
