I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
