vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
