I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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