where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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