OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
