doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
