If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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