Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
