Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
