They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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