I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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