I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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