dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
