Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
