Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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