I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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