He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
