Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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