Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
