I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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