Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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