WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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