Apparently you make a good broom.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
