I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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