and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
