I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize